69 Reasons Not To Have Children

1.) You’ll never have to drive a mini van.

2.) You’ll never have to spend your weekends trotting your kids to soccer/ballet practice & taking them to kids birthday parties. Your weekends are your own.

3.) You’ll never have to hear your kid say they hate you or wish you were dead after you’ve sacrificed your life for them.

4.) You can have sex anywhere in your house whenever you desire. No need to worry if the kids are home or awake. Wanna get it on at 3 pm on a Sunday on the dining room table. Go for it!

5.) Freedom

6.) Time

7.) Money

8.) Sleep. Need I say more

9.) Vaginal prolapse. If you don’t know what it is google it.

10.) You can buy a beautiful home & have it all to yourselves. No need to worry about little Susie or Tommy scratching up your walls &/or floor. No dirty fingerprints or food staining your furniture.

11.) Peace & quiet

12.) Alone time

13.) If you’re a woman you never have to worry about incontinence. After pregnancy & child birth woman can lose control of their bladder & bowels. Many times this is permanent & doesn’t go away on its own.

14.) Sex will never be painful because of childbirth. Sex to many woman is often painful many years after they’ve given birth.

15.) Spontaneous date nights

16.)Spontaneous everything

17.) Never have to pay for a babysitter just to go out & have some alone time with your significant other.

18.) Never have to worry about a babysitter canceling & ruining your plans.

19.) Overpopulation

20.) The last thing this planet needs is another human being depleting it of resources. Another human being competing for jobs, space on the roads, fellow human beings to date. You’re all on this dating site so you know how tough the dating market can be! Really, who wants to create another human being just so they suffer through the middle school years. I don’t know anyone who actually enjoyed that time of their life.

21.) Life is a crapshoot. There is no guarantee you’re going to have a healthy child. There are so many children with terminal illnesses that die at such a young age. Their short time on this earth was pure suffering. Talk about heartbreaking. No, I don’t want to take that chance. And, no I don’t want to give birth to someone just so they suffer.

22.) Autism. No thank you. Living with a child with severe autism would be my worst nightmare. I applaud the parents who do it because I could not. I couldn’t imaging my child destroying my home & violently hurting me. Of course all cases of autism are different. I’m talking about the severe cases with violent tendencies of which there are many. Even with a less severe case I still wouldn’t be able to handle it.

23.) No return policy. If you decide after you have a kid eh maybe this isn’t for me, well sorry you’re stuck for life. Just think if you don’t like your house you can sell it, spouse you can divorce, boyfriend/girlfriend you can break up, city you can move, job you can quit, kid uh well you’re stuck for at least 18 years. There are so many cases of parents regretting having children. Just google “regret having kids” & 4 million results pop up. Google “I hate being a mom” & 19.9 million results pop up. It’s better to regret not having kids than having kids.

24.) Working a full time job during the day &  instead of coming home & relaxing you have to cook dinner for the kids, clean up dinner, help with kids homework, break up arguments between siblings, have kids throw tantrums over their dinner you labored over, have kids whine & yell about not wanting to do their homework, give kids a bath, put kids to bed, dealing with the never ending argument of going to bed & constantly getting out of bed, having your baby cry all night yet have to be at work in the morning, or your toddler throwing up all night & having to be a work in the morning. Whereas if you’re child free your evening is your own to relax & unwind from your day’s work. You will be refreshed & recharged for the day ahead.

25.) Not wanting to pass on hereditary diseases.

26.)Naked cook offs with your partner.

27.) Naked anything with your partner.

28.) Want to take a last minute trip to Vegas, go for it!

29.) Doing whatever you want whenever you want.

30.) Not losing your identity

31.) Not having the highlight of your day being stuck in traffic on the way home. Sadly, there are many articles & comments on forums of how traffic is the best part of a parent’s day because it’s their only time alone. Traffic is the worst part of my day. I couldn’t imagine a life where it became a highlight.

32.) Not putting your child through the pain of losing a parent.

33.) Not having to listen to high pitched voices & squeals all day.

34.) Never having to deal with a colicky baby.

35.) Never having to change a diaper.

36.) Never having to travel with kids.

37.)Never having to navigate a bulky stroller through crowds.

38.) If you’re a woman your vagina will always be tight. If you’re a man you always get to have sex with a woman with a tight vagina. Win. Win.

39.) If you’re a woman you will never have to deal with morning sickness. Which actually lasts all day & for some women their whole pregnancy.

40.) If you’re a woman you will never have an alien growing inside your body, stealing all your nutrients, & constantly kicking your rib cage.

41.) If you’re a woman you will never have separated &/or broken ribs due to pregnancy. Pressure & kicking from the baby can cause this to happen.

42.) If you’re a woman you will never tear from your vagina to your anus during childbirth.

43.) Vacationing at child free resorts.

44.) Going on trips & vacations multiple times a year.

45.) Never having to pay for college tuition.

46.) Never having to decide if you should put your child in a subpar public school (because let’s face it public education in America is lacking in every way) or shelling out thousands per year for private school.

47.) Never having to pay for daycare or a nanny.

48.) Watching whatever movie or TV show you want when you want. You don’t have to censor what you watch because of kids.

49.) The constant worry & anxiety for the well being of your child is non existent for the childfree.

50.) Never having to spend time with people you don’t like just because your kids are friends.

51.) Never having to go to the multiple child birthday parties every weekend.

52.) Having adult & intellectually stimulating conversations each day. Not conversations that center around Susie’s pooping habits etc.

53.) Not having to constantly talk in a baby voice & dumbing yourself down to interact with babies/toddlers.

54.) This is the first time in the history of the world where women aren’t forced to have babies or looked down upon for not having them. Take advantage of it. We are so lucky to live in this time & this country.

55.) Never have to watch children’s television or movies. Talk about torture. No thank you.

56.) Having kids is no guarantee they will be there for you when you’re older. Have you ever been to a nursing home?

57.) You can be the fun aunt or uncle & be involved in your niece/nephews life. You won’t be stressed out or bogged down by your owns kids so you can have a really special bond.

58.) You will never have to yell or punish anyone. You won’t get tired of hearing your own voice by the end of the day.

59.) Privacy. You will always have privacy.

60.) You will lessen your carbon footprint & do far less harm to the environment than people who have children.

61.) You can eat your meals in peace. No having children constantly trying to eat food off your plate or having to nag them to eat their veggies. No having to get up because they need more milk or water or ketchup etc. Then your food’s cold. Ugh, no thanks.

62.) No constant cleaning up after kids. No cleaning their toys, their mess, their crumbs after every meal three times a day, their sticky hand prints, their never ending laundry……..

63.)You will never have to worry about your own child killing you. All the stories of this happening are alarming.

64.) You will never have to deal with the teenage years.

65.) You will never have to worry about raising your grandchildren because your child was too young when they got pregnant/got someone pregnant.

66.) You will have plenty of money for retirement due to not raising children. According to the Department of Agriculture, the estimated cost for raising one child from birth to age 17 is $233,610. That’s just for one child. Most people have two or more. That is also not including college costs! So imagine the savings you can have for retirement!

67.) You enjoy having a social life.

68.) You enjoy only having to wipe your own butt and not anyone else’s. Not having to deal with constant baby blowouts is priceless. Also, never having to potty train a toddler and dealing with toddler sized poops and constant accidents while they learn to use the bathroom. The horror.

69.) Will never have to go through the pain of losing your child.